Scenes From a Padres Fan on Vacation in North Florida

All the other Wes Anderson's got Criterion so why can't Bottle Rocket? It’s been over a decade since the film that launched the careers of the Brothers Wilson, Luke and Owen as well as Anderson. Owen Wilson plays the awesome character vehicle as zany and grandiose planner Dignan. Luke also shows up as the straight man, basically the same character he’s played well his entire career. Well it finally is on its way. This is still one of the more overlooked films of the mid 90’s indie film scene. (Cinematical)

The Padres are making me sweat it out. It’s the Top of the ninth and the game is tied 6-6. A tiebreaker game that decides who makes it to the playoffs. Peavy was disappointing but is a no doubter Cy Young winner. At least they are no the Mets.

I know it’s not my birthday but it might as well be. Radiohead announced they will be releasing their new album… online… next week…FOR FREE. Not like the free really matters. Just shows how Radiohead blazes new trail in all aspects. I’m not in love with the album title In Rainbows, but I am in love with Radiohead. Visit inrainbows.com for more information. (Reported everywhere music is reported including Pitchfork)

From the Desk of Joe’s Vacation (While Riding the Dolphin Statue)…

I have been in Florida the last week or so visiting my grandparents. Even though it’s hurricane season in the southwest, if there isn’t a hurricane, this is the perfect time to vacation here. I parked one spot from the beach 2 times last week. The last few days the weather has been gloomy with the crazy Florida only blinding sun showers.

As a Northeasterner, I’m not used to running into the wrath of Nor’easters or whatever they call these fuckers. One second the sun is shining and it is a perfect 90 degrees. The next second the rain is battering the windshield so hard that you have to slow down from 100 MPH on Interstate 95 to almost a complete stop, turn your wipers on the strongest setting, and put your hazards on. And then it just stops dead. And the sun comes right back out like nothing ever happened. This happens about 4 times a day.

Of course, there are a lot of old people. Real old people as well. I went to dinner with 6 of them the other night to a place called the Palm Coast Classic Diner (Under New Management, and rater 4 out of 5 on palmcoast.biz). I was weary since it was called a diner, it was in a space that in no way resembled a diner, and I was about to sit down with these 6 Jewish senior citizens. It is open 24 hours a day, but there didn’t seem to be any customers after 7 PM. Old people don’t do 24 hours. There barely do 12 hours a day. I had done this once before the last time I was here at a steakhouse. Foods that have different ways of being cooked are completely fucked in an area like this. I don’t know how you could open a steakhouse in such a nickel and dime ticky-tack place like this. That night no less than 8 dishes and sides were sent back with constant complaints.

So we arrive at this diner. There is no one there. In NJ, Diner means order, drinks, food, 15 minutes or less. I gave a 2.5 multiplier to convert to Florida service speed. The food was ordered with not much incident besides a plethora or sauces and vegetables that were to be left off or substituted by every individual at the table but that is to be expected.

10 minutes later drinks arrived. No mixed drinks or beers. 6 of the 8 people ordered water. The room we were sitting in was still completely empty. 20 minutes later came 3 bowls of soup. 30 minutes into a meal at a “DINER.” 3 people have soups.

There was 12 minutes before some bread came out and 27 more minutes till all the meals arrived at the table. Orders to service of entrees with no appetizers order takes exactly 59 minutes. At least they stayed under the hour mark. You may think someone ordered steak or something. Nope. The table was 6 wraps, a veal parm, and shrimp. Hopefully the chefs had a nice nap because they were definitely not cooking.

This place should be sued for being called a diner. I know diners and this place was no diner. The name should be rescinded. The waiter was very nice and the old people didn’t seem to be fazed because they have all the time in the world. This begs the question: is it better to have fast service with a frown or slow service with a smile? Well how slow is the service? If it takes a hour to get a few sautéed veggies in a wrap with a baked potato, I’ll take the pissy frown with the waiters always expecting and thinking they are deserving of bigger tips. No more trips to the Palm Coast diner for this young feller.

Now it’s the 11^th inning in the Padres game and it’s still 6-6. I’m being tortured. C’mon Pads. Give me something. I’m simultaneously losing in Fantasy Football. I can’t ask for much with the Radiohead announcement in mind but a Padres win could make Joe a very happy man.

We’re going to the top of the 12^th… Let’s go Pads!!