It used to take a really bad release weekend for me to have no desire to go out and see a movie during the summer. This week Adam Sandler's Isreali soldier turned hairstylist epic You Don't Mess with the Zohan didn't get me out of my house, even with the terrible, unbearable northeast heatwave, complete with 95+ degree days and the world's worst humidity. I have to admit I was almost tempted to go see the Jack Black voiced animated Kung Fu Panda, as much as I love me some Jables, but a 25 year old man trying to buy a ticket to an animated movie screams pederast.
This week features The Happening, the furtherance of writer/director faux autuer M. Night Shyamalan's decaying career after an auspicious start with The Sixth Sense and the under appreciated Unbreakable. The latest in a string of movies with boring ambiguous titles whose only selling points according to the commercials is that it is Shyamalan's first R-rated film and that it is starring Mark Wahlberg. Of course, they don't really say anything about the actual movie since Night thinks he's Hitchcock and that none of his plots of worthy of being revealed without the $11 price of admission.
Then there is Edward Norton's retooling of The Incredible Hulk which lucks absolutely horrid. Whatever happened to you Ed? You used to make movies worth watching. Remember Rounders, Fight Club, American History X, Primal Fear?
Slate V, my new favorite video aggregator brings you "The Democratic Race in Eight Minutes":
Hayden Christensen says he's up for more Jumper... (via Comingsoon)
And no one really fucking cares. What a pitiful piece of poo. Jumper had such a great concept and they just overdid it to the ultimate extremes. This is where people would usually say if you don't believe me, see it for yourself. But don't do that. Join my boycott of Mr. Christensen in the hope that every movie that he has ruined in the past with his whiny bitchiness can stop future casting directors from even considering him.
I hope Tropic Thunder is good. I know MTV is bad but this parody video for the movie shown during the MTV No One Cares Awards is quite hilarious. Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. try to make a viral video to impress Ben's teenage nephew:
Which reminds me of the predecessor to "Dick in the Box," the original "viral" SNL short viral, "The H is O":
You know who sucks... Coldplay!! They will never be forgiven for "Speed of Sound." No link necessary or deserving.
If you fret the day you might run out of razorblades, sign up for Shaveworld, an online subscription service for razor blades? What has this world come to? (via Dethroner)
Radiohead is on tour and will be coming to every corner of the world practically and they won't be disappointing. Take a look at the setlist. Young bands take notice. When someone pays to see you, make sure you wow them and give them there's money's worth. You get to see the best live act in the world play a 25 song set practically every night with two encores. Sadly, they do play a bit too much of their latest two albums for my liking but every time I see them, it makes me fall in love with them all over again. By the way, I have a few extra tickets to see them at All Points West Fri & Sat, the second weekend in August in Northern New Jersey. E-mail me if you are interested.
Jessica Alba had a daughter and her husband's first name is Cash. Marriages with men named Cash aren't built to last. (BBC)
The Arrested Development movie is supposedly underway. For all you Development-heads, there is a nice list of top 10 recurring characters from the show (TV Squad.)
Here's an interesting article about the latest phase of John Cusack's career. (Slate)
Which brings me to my latest Netflix views, John Cusack in Grace is Gone and Lars & The Real Girl, both were very sensitive, a bit too tear-jerky for my usual tastes. One is the very realistic story of a husband of a soldier who dies in Iraq and can't fiure out how to tell his children. It's heartwarming and real. Cusack's excellent portrayal the very dweeeby but sweet man who comes to terms with the death seems to have been overlooked last year. And for those who are tired of 2 1/2 hour epics that test the limits of the human attention span, Grace is Gone is a tightly constructed little movie that come sin briskly under 90 minutes. Perfectly paced, well written and directed, Grace is Gone is highly recommended.
Lars & The Real Girl is more surreal story. If you haven't heard of the film, I'll let Wikipedia give you the synopsis:
"Ryan Gosling stars as Lars Lindstrom, an extremely shy young man living in a small town. He purchases a sex doll online and proceeds to introduce her to his brother and sister-in-law as his girlfriend. Despite the concerns of his friends and relatives, a local doctor notes that since Lars otherwise has a highly functional personality that threatens no one, this delusion is a sign that he is working through some personal issues and his loved ones should play along in the meantime. With some persuasion, the entire town eventually participates as well with growing enthusiasm for this unusual, but enjoyable, activity as Lars continues to pursue what he perceives as a deep and meaningful relationship with the doll."
Lars is a unique movie to say the least and while it gets close to going overboard with Gosling's weird relationship with his sex doll, it rides the line of absurdity into a heartwarming, analogous story of a troubled person that learns to open up to the wrold. I feel kind of gay after writing this comment but while I didn't love Lars, it had some very funny moments and even more "Office" like moments of awkwardness.
Are you a Tetris nerd? Yes I'm talking to you Kate...
And if you're more of a NES sports nerd than you might want to check out this ultimo Bo Jackson TD Run that lasts the entire quarter. Amazing! (Thx Herb)