Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I'm Back and Ron Villone Sucks

A dramatic visage of Ron Villone throwing a meatball in the snow for the Yankees.

It’s been a while… since I could my head up high. (Thanks Aaron Lewis and Staind, who are back in the studio to take back some of that Nickelback real estate.) And there I go again. Not one sentence into this fucking entry and I’m going off on an unqualified tangent but I set myself up. Fuck.

Well, it has been a while. Extreme bouts of overworked, sleep-deprived, and Yankee depressed related inactivity have, for quite a while, conquered the “little author that could,” if you could call a blowhard writing 300 words every few weeks an “author.” I better fucking stop this.

But I had a night with maximum energy a few nights ago and the pen started humming. Still, it took me four days to type it up. Outdated blogs make a lot of sense. This was a beautiful night, the temperature was in the mid 70s and the New Jersey air didn’t fill your lungs with congestion. The Yankees had just completed a sweep at the hands of the lowly Rockies, 4th place in the NL West but still over .500. The Yankees were teetering around .500 mark. The Rockies had about 4 games on the Yankees by the end of the series. In fact, 4 teams in the NL West have a better record than the Yankees. 4 teams have won more games than they have lost, unlike the AL East where the Yankees reside in 2nd place, the best of the 4 sub .500 teams in that division. It could be said that the AL East is the weakest division in baseball with 4 sputtering teams and the division crown practically over halfway into the season.

I love the sound of a Yankee fan throwing in the towel as their team picks up increasing payroll for fun. No other business takes on more debt when they are about to go under. But sadly the Yankees are propped up by millions and millions of front running cry babies who have chalked this year up to it “not being their season.” Some want to trade off their parts and pick up some prospects on talk radio. A lot of teams want to pay $17 million for the expiring contract of Bobby Abreu. He’s been in a lot of big pennant races in his Phillies experience.

They want to trade A-Rod since he’s gonna leave anyway, like someone will pay the rest of his salary so he can opt out and go to the highest bidder.. They think they will get the farm from a team that is actually in the playoff hunt for Jorge Posada, and they can *wink wink* sign him after the season having accrued some prospects. These are tricks that teams like the Yankees fall for, the rent-a-player overpriced mercenary.

No one is giving the Yankees anything, especially the thing that their money seems to not buy, a bullpen. Kyle Farnsworth is quite the 20 + million dollar man. And every time I see Ron Villone coming in the game I get giddy. I know the game is about to go right down the tubes. And now pitching for the Yankees, the human battering ram, number 47, Ron Villone. Follow him up with Vizciano and thenback to the submariner Mike Myers, the Ortiz killer, and Torre can piece together a nice big L for his ballclub.

I got the fear from that little run but that was the blip. The Yankees have to win 30 games more than they lose the rest of the season to make the playoffs. It could happen and the Yankees might try to buy it, but there will be a few parties the day the Yankees are eliminated form contention.

And next year to keep all these boys around for another losing season the Yankees could rack up half a billion in just re-signing players in the off season. 5 years, 30 million for A-rod. 2 years, 30 million fr Rivera. 4 yrs, 60 million for Posada. A contract extension for “the Captain” so he doesn’t feel slighted, how about A-Rod’s old salary 5 years, 25 million a year. And they can do all of that and not only make their team just as weak as it was but hinder them from a future.

The Giambi albatross (20+ million a year for at least 2 or 3 more) will remain along with Johnny “Hurts Real Bad” Damon for like 3 more years. So Giambi and Damon can share DH and 1st base duties, who both can’t filed or stay healthy, with a right hander that can’t hit .200 Mentkiewicz (I don’t care how you fucking spell it, he sucked as a Met and a Red Sock too, good scouting Yanks). It is horrifying how much money this team can piss away on the DL, they have the payroll of the NL Central on their on DL at most times.

The future looks bright in the Bronx. But they’ll make a run at the best move they can make, getting a real centerfielder. Ichiro and Torii Hunter are going to be free agents, as well as the severely slumping Andruw Jones. It could help but pick your poison (stop it with the fucking clichés) and add $15-$17 million a year for 5 years. Say it’s not about the money, and then go out their and overpay. Spend, spend, spend you fuckers. And I’ll make a toast to your future miseries and lack of penultimate success, the championships. It’s going to take a long time to build a real team again and hopefully I won’t see it again. You had it, and it slipped away. All the mercenaries under the sun can’t help the Evil Empire now.

I was going to write about something else too. Ah yes, movies. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, short and sweet, much improved from it’s predecessor, and perfectly timed at right under 90 minutes, a welcomed relief after the 2 ½ hours plus running times of Spider Man Hell and the Pirates Curse movie. Ocean’s 13, a lot of slick talk and interesting camera work patches the holes in a rushed plot.

I promise I’ll get to a longer assessment of the state of comic book blockbusters in the next week or so followed by a detailed analysis of Fargo I’ve been cooking up. Thanks for your patience. Something worthwhile will get up here eventually.

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