There's Something About ... Jason Statham - Is He The Most Reliable Action Star of the 2000s?

Many actors play the same role perpetually but few make it consistently enjoyable to watch without wearing out their welcome. The most prevalent category of actors who fill these roles in a marquee topping capacity are action stars. In the 80's and 90's, there was the usual suspects: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Bruce Willis (who has left this category and then returned), and on the lower end there is the Steven Seagal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren (small window) and Wesley Snipes (tax evading, black militant specialist).

Watching the basically unreleased stateside UK film Blitz, it dawned on me that the lone candidate successfully filling this void in the last decade is Jason Statham. (You could count Jackie Chan and Jet Li too but their sustained careers are stuck an alternate kung-fu niche).

Statham differs from the top-tier action stars in their heydays. He doesn't play superheroes or headline $100 million dollar budgets with action figures and rides at theme parks. His films are budgeted in the $20-$50 million dollar range and his action sequences are primarily in hand to hand combat with surrounding tools, not usually guns or knives but the lethal weapons on the ends on his arms.

Despite the fact that you know you are seeing slightly varied versions of the same stories, Statham films are more-than-watchable, even in some circumstances highly enjoyable. But I don't see a Oscar-winning-type serious role in his future.

For many, his breakthrough performance came in Guy Ritchie's debut and apex Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels. The film is an overlooked visual feast that is very influential and a bit ahead of its time visually in a lot of the recent action/caper flicks since it's release. (too bad it's all been downhill for Ritchie with the Lock Stock repetition that featured Brad Pitt in Snatch but most recently failing with the big budget could-have-been-excellent Sherlock Holmes.)

Maybe it's that deep voice with that threatening UK-drawl, a touch of humor with a smirk, but a boatload of beatings being doled out. You know what you are going to get but you still show up to the theater and stop on the flicks while surfing through the channels. Is there really a need for three Transporter films? Guess not. How about a remake of Death Race? Surely, no.

Statham has been involved in quite a few remakes as well. Roles that have been previously done well spill down to him to be Stathamized. See: The Bank Job, The Mechanic, and even Pink Panther (Until writing this I didn't even know there was a remake of the minimalist, thriller classic 13 (Tzameti) starring him and Mickey Rourke but I know what is about to be added to the Netflix queue.)

He further cemented his spot in the list by appearing with most of the faded stars listed up above in The Expendables, which took the action star combination alchemy theorem to a different stratosphere.

Statham delivers exactly what people expect. A dark, somber, bald protagonist with his facial scruff either in a suit or casual in non casual situations who delivers action, snark, and snarl, with a high probability of a car chase and some hand to hand combat.

If you are looking for something on the super-frenetic stylistic scale, there is a Crank or Crank 2. If you are looking for you standard hit-man with a penchant for vengeance, there is The Mechanic. For practically plotless stories with excellent fight scenes and fast cars flying and exploding, there is The Transporter.

Or just a semi-interesting cop chases serial killer film like Blitz which was has been recently added to Netflix Instant. (This one has an interesting cast including Aidan Gillen, AKA Mayor Tom Carcetti from The Wire & the devilish Baelish from Games of Thrones, who, against usually the refined HBO typecasting, stands out as a deranged cop killer who refuses to wear a shirt.) With Jason Statham films, it's just different variations of vanilla ice cream. But what's wrong with vanilla ice cream?

Technorati Tags: jason statham, blitz film, crank, action star, expendables, lock stock two smoking barrels

Now Tweeting Too...

Editor's note: I have caved and I tweet. Follow me @airosah.

The Long Gestating Mid-Summer Book Report - (I Read Something - Aug 12, 2011)

I've been reading a lot, just not writing. It gets hot in the summer and I don't like typing outside.

Everyone loves the Facebook but why is no one on Goodreads? Is it because Goodreads involves actually reading books? Sharing and talking about books is the cornerstone of intelligence gathering. This has been replaced by listening to music while texting during movies and sharing photos of yourself. Bet Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson didn't while chat listening to OK Computer & watching The Wall. Although they may have been smoking some skanky stuff.

If they were around today, they might be talking about something interesting tracts like the two I just read, Jon Ronson's The Psychopath Test and Jonah Keri's The Extra 2%, especially if they enjoyed madness and baseball like they would now.




The Pshychopath Test by Jon Ronson

Jon Ronson is known for his interestingly quirky investigations of a wide array of topics, most notably the army's employing of psychics in The Men Who Stare at Goats (which was turned into one of the worst films in history). This book investigates the basis and historical of clinical psychosis simultaneously becoming obsessed with the PCL-R Hare Test Checklist that usually considered the best way to decipher if someone is a severe, dangerous psychopath. In it, he interviews serial murderers, rapists, war criminals, and company CEOs to try to dig for a common thread for diagnosing psychosis through his unique self-doubting, self-deprecating investigational style.

The Extra 2%: How Wall Street Strategies Took a Major League Baseball Team from Worst to First by Jonah Keri

Jonah Keri from ESPN and Baseball Prospectus got excellent insight on the brief but under-reported tumultuous history of the previously perpetual cellar dwellers Tampa Bay Rays and how a new management team came in with advanced analytic methods.

Anyone would see the repeated heartbreak of how Tampa Bay was the ultimate threat for many owners when negotiating for a new stadium. The best story comes at a deadline deal with the Chicago White Sox, a historic team that might shock you how close they were to actually leaving Chicago. With minute to go before a midnight deadline for striking a deal, "With midnight about to strike, (Governor)Thompson was still six votes short. The governor had only one move left. He stopped the clock." It's as genius as it is ludicrous. Since the clock didn't strike midnight, the vote didn't have to take place until he got the votes. But this is just one in a long line of dashed dreams before they got the expansion Rays.

But the real gold in this quick read is cataloging the idiosyncrasies of the penny-pinching, Micromanager Extraordinaire and original owner of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays Vincent Naimoli (that's before they lost the "Devil") who made his money as a company turnaround specialist. Here's a few of my favorite stories quoted from the book:

• "He insisted on reading and signing off on the smallest documents. Naimoli wouldn't buy Internet access and by extension wouldn't arrange for email for Devil Rays employees." (Page 39)
• ...Naimoli forced team employees to buy specially designed Rays license plates if they wanted to park in Tropicana Field's empty main parking lot on workdays...or else be forced to park much farther out and walk a quarter-mile to their offices. This was in stark contrast to his successor Stuart Sternberg, who offered two years of free parking to everyone at Tropicana Field as a token of goodwill... ( 41)
• In reference to his tyrant nature on bringing in outside food in the land of outside food AKA retiree-filled Florida "...ushers were the first line of defense against the scourge of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If they failed to detect the contraband, though, the Devil Rays had a backup plan: Detective Naimoli. The owner sat in he stands for most games, bringing him closer to the action, and to the fans. If he spotted a fan eating outside food, he's walk over and ask where he entered the stadium. He would then calm fund out who was manning that entrance, and have that person fired on the spot...Naimoli's threats turned the D-Rays' stadium crew into unflinching supercops of snack prevention. A group of seniors hopped a bus to one game during that period. One couple within the group approached the stadium entrance, the wife in a wheelchair. Security found a bag of cashews on her and yanked them away. The elderly lady explained that she was diabetic and needed the nuts for her diet.... (end of the story: she and her husband went back and sat on the bus for the entire game) (43)
  
• He frequented the press box, presumably on pizza patrol. He'd sometimes fly on the team plane and even ride the team bus, especially when the D-Rays were in New York. That way he could hitch a postgame life from the stadium to his NYC apartment - which was completely out of the way for everyone else - rather than springing for cab fare.
  

There is the humor along with high quality access/insight into the unique young minds that turned around this mess into a small market marvel under the guise of the young gun GM Andrew Friedman.

Also Read

Musician/ Writer/Actor Steve Earle's debut novel I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive has a lapsed-doctor-cum-heroin-junkie protagonist named Doc who is haunted by the ghost of Hank Williams. Doc is the go-to-guy for under the table medical issues for prostitutes, illegals and criminals for sex-trade illnesses, gunshot wounds, and pregnancy terminations around San Antonio in the late sixties. Working out of a rundown motel, Doc's inner circle and encounters form an interesting perspective of unique issues in an important time in US history. An interesting, spanglish tale of addiction, redemption, well told with Earle's gritty realistic yet ethereal writing style.

What I Learned This Week from "The Week" Magazine

The Week has been one of my favorite magazines for a long time. As part of some cost-cutting measures, I let the subscription lapse a while back due to its hefty price tag. A recent Groupon for a subscription popped up so I had to jump on it. Why? Unlike many magazines, The Week isn’t discounted regularly. You won't be able to find it for $6 or $12 for a year like most popular magazines.

What The Week does best is compile and synopsize. Before the days of the news deluge and the prevalence of websites, blogs and their aggregating brethren to compile everything you want to read into a giant bloated screen of information, I got my news from The Week. The Week selects the most important items then breaks them down to nuggets of news and opinions for quick and easy consumption.

Online, there are similar places to get this type of writing. The Atlantic Wire does this in a more immediate Internet-fashion for free, yet many stories benefit from a gestation period before the opinions start flying. And what you can learn from reading The Week on important issues is your time can be better served by reading the outcome of the story rather than checking second-by-second tweeted updates from a bevy of possibly unconfirmed or unsubstantiated news sources. The public’s immediate response to all stories makes it sometimes impossible to repeal the hangover effect that linger when unsubstantiated reports turn out to be untrue. If they are reported on too heavily and too quickly, they become tiresome and lost in the shuffle with the population’s ever-shrinking attention span.

Arriving like clockwork every Friday in my mailbox, I opened this week's issue to discover recaps on the power struggle in Yemen, how the Obama Osama bump has quickly dissipated, and a reexamination of the withdrawal timeline in Afghanistan. I felt smarter already.

Next a collection of finer, quick, bullet points of silly news stories alongside boring but important stories that should matter to all. Following that, a page of US based specific stories and a two-page spread of world stories pointing to their location on the map giving readers a bonus piece of geography education (I'm as guilty as the next guy so don't lie to me and tell me you can point out Yemen on a map!)

The breakdowns continue into standard newspaper sections like business, arts & drama, and a bit of celebrity news. A highlighted selection of the best political cartoons, a rundown of what is actually worth watching on TV this week, quick new release capsule reviews in film, music, and books, unique travel and gift ideas, a snappy food section with a feature on local honey beers, and an interesting real estate section of the best properties on the market for the weekly chosen group. This time it is "Homes for Sculpture Collectors."

Finishing up, there are a few obituaries, a sum up of the top columns from around the globe and one abridged version of an extended highlighted piece of writing and a news-related crossword puzzle that you can probably only finish if you actually read the magazine. All of it short, quick, informative bursts that read as streamlined yet not rushed. It's the perfect confluence of information for overworked minds that want to know what's going on in this world but can't find the time to follow it all on a consistent basis.

Here are some interesting notes from this week's The Week:

• From the Chicago Tribune: For the first time last year, American's surpassed the French as the wine consumption leaders even though the US population is five times the French population. Americans hate everything French except Wine and if we are going to drink it, we better drink more than they do!
• From CBSMoneywatch.com: Those newish fun fees on baggage, extra legroom and food provided a $21.5 billion dollar in income for airlines last year.
• A collection of wonderful quotes including one from Mignon McLaughlin in the Bismarck Tribune (the one newspaper I never miss reading), "No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why." and Jimmy Cannon from the Wall Street Journal, "Sports is the toy department of life."
• I heard this one on NPR too but the SlutWalks protests are branching across the world like wildfire.
• A new Swedish study says couples are 40 percent more likely to split up if one partner has a commute longer than 45 minutes each way.
• A reminder that I really want to see the film Submarine and read "The Sisters Brothers" by Patrick DeWitt.
  
• An list of apps for finding cheap gas like GasBuddy, Poynt, iGasUp and more.
  
• Jack Kevorkian died last week.

By the end of the average fifty page issue, you feel like you have just got enough of anything. Time to dispose of Time and disregard the blabbing columnists in Newsweek because spending a Saturday afternoon on the porch or in the park reading The Week will be your new favorite pastime.

I Read Something - Late May 2011 Recap: Social Media Vending Machines, Batshit Crazy Drivers, Test Tube Burgers and more.

When I read something interesting in a magazine, I like to underline and rip the page out. Here's a couple of recent rip outs that I thought a few people might find interesting with links to the actual articles if available with headlines of my own.


Pepsi Social Vending Machine Sets New Low in Hyper-connectivity Social Marketing Stupidity (from InformationWeek)

Are you ready to tweet your friend a Pepsi? Can you wait for much a pain-in-the-ass it will be? And will they thank you for the empty calories and the teeth-rot? Do not tweet me any sodas. But you can now follow me at my new twitter account @airosah. I finally caved. I'm not sure why.

Test Tube Burgers To Save the World (in like 20 years or so... maybe) (from New Yorker - subscription required)

Dutch scientist Willem can Eelen was a POW in WWII who has envisioned creating meat in a lab for over 50 years but only in the last decade or so has technology caught up to his dreams. Michael Specter's interesting article covers about the small, minute baby steps in this process that could be more important to saving this planet than getting off the fossil fuels.

As documented heavily in many books such as in Jonathan Safran Foer's excellent and highly-informative memoir/polemic "Eating Animals", consumption of animal products is a leading factor in the destruction of the Earth's environment. There are always horror stories and lots of figures but here's one that continually shocks me, "...the world consumes two hundred and eighty-five million tons of meat every year-ninety pounds per person."

Ninety pounds per person or 1/4 pound per day. Basically, every person on this person eats the average 13 year old annually. And demand is rising. Seriously, this is going to be our downfall. I'm not saying anyone has to stop eating but maybe Lent should be year round or something.



Nature's Gatorade (from Bloomberg Businessweek)

This article just feeds into my own interests. I play a lot of sports and have recently the last few years been shying away from the Gatorades and Powerades that I drank growing up. I still drink them but not as much as I used to. One drink that has entered my hydration rotation is coconut water.

The quick piece talks about how this natural elixir is starting to crack the huge $7 sports drink industry as a real alternative to the mainstays including the loss of Garnett as a Gatorade endorser. According to the article, he chose with his concious to promote a healthier drink at a signifigant pay cut from his Gatorade deal. While I don't endorse buying an overpriced Zico or Vita Coca since they are ridiculously overpriced, peek into the Asian or Hispanic sections at your local market and you will find a more affordable option like Goya's Coconut Water. It's a beautiful, warm day outside, might just enjoy one myself.

Here's a good question from "What's Your Problem," The Atlantic's readers question section.



This is a question I've always had. Does the brain fill up? The question is a bit more silly and has added a new word to my vocabulary, "earworm." Earworm is a term for those annoying songs and jungles that get stuck in your head. See: FreeCreditReport.com Pirate Guy, Lady Gaga's "Poker Face," and many, many, many more.

Sometimes it seems there are more bad songs and jingles stuck in my head than anything else and companies and artists pay good money for that kind of exposure. The answer for getting rid of a annoying jingle is embrace it and don't let it annoy you. If it annoy you according to a study, it sticks longer.

Venezuelan Drivers Have a License to Drive... and Drink (from The Week & Digital Journal)

"Venezuela is very car-friendly, and even gasoline is
practically free. Traffic rules are hardly ever enforced, but Venezuela
has suspended a bus driver’s license for a year, which makes this the
first case of a suspended license.

Ramon Parra, 41, was stopped by
police for driving at a very excessive speed in a large passenger bus.
The bus was also missing one of its rear wheels.


According to Reuters,
there were more passengers on the bus than permitted by the law, and
one of the bus’s wheels was wedged in an aisle inside the bus...

Luis Fernandez, the national police chief, said that this was the very
first time that they were suspending a driver’s license for 12
consecutive months.


According to the Telegraph,
drunk drivers being tested is virtually unknown, and all types of
vehicles weave in and out of lanes, even travelling up to 100 miles an
hour...



According to Autoguide,
in 2008 is when the law to suspend licenses was enacted, but this is
the first time the law has been actually used. In Venezuela, the maximum
suspension allowed by law is five years, and that is only for killing
another person."

Remind me while I'm not visiting Venezuela to not drive on the roads at all. Do they even have roads? I know they have oil.

Board Games as Movies = Filmmaking Mathematical Equation? 'Candyland’ = ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ = Bullshit?

So this story has been around for a while but now that it's going to happen, I'm getting afraid for the creativity of this country especially around the the southern west coast.

Producers are looking for names that can bring in cash. Not just stars anymore but products. First it was superheros, then comic books, then video games, and now it's board games.

According to a post by EW, screenwriter Johnathan Aibel, of Kung Fu Panda heritage, says he is looking to Candy Land as a sort of Lord of the Rings with candy. Of course J.R.R. Tolkien wrote thousands of pages creating various worlds, creatures and characters and he gets to create it all from a couple of cards and glued paper.

Here's a quote from the piece where the writer boils down the comparison:

...the domains of the nefarious Duke of Swirl and Lord Licorice and into King Kandy’s scrumptious kingdom. But what if the Cupcake Commons were, say, the Shire, and the Chocolate Mountains were Mordor?

Right. Well enjoy the paycheck. It will be all you have after this turd arrives DOA. Then go write Kung Fu Panda 3 so Jack Black can have one successful role to continue playing as his career devolves into a string of flops, bombs, and boring crap that tosses away the greatness of his Tenacious D roots.

Board games. You know the things that people under the age of 18 don't know exist. The things they receive on holidays from their parents and toss aside like socks between the iPods, the iPads, the flips, and the $400 pair of jeans that won't fit them within a year. The things that parents dream about rolling out onto the dining room table and having a family night without the distraction of virulent flashing images, snarky comedy, and half naked teenagers and twenty-somethings slapping each other.

A board game is a cellophane box covered cardboard box full plastic pieces, paper cards, and a colorfull cardboard playing surface along with instructions (which kids don't use anymore) will now become Alice in Wonderland with candy. Isn't there already a great magical candy movie? Willy Wonka. That was already remade with some success. In fact, it was by the same crew (Johnny Depp, Tim Burton et al) who made Alice in Wonderland (in 3D of course)


Dirty Scrabble (from Inquisitr)

Did you know that Scrabble used to be played primarily with wooden tiles on a piece of cardboard until a few years ago? It didn't even spell check your words for you before you submitted it. You actually had to know words and how to spell them, not just get an extra app that helps you cheat in Scrabble by typing your letters in it and it gives you words.

There's even amazing documentary about the craziest of them from 2007 call Word Wars.

Here's the only mathematical equation that matters to Hollywood execs. People love candy, fantasy, magical lands, and movies so if we combine all these together, we're going to rolling in sweet sweet moolah.

If it is epic like Lord of the Rings but is targeted at the Barbie loving crowd, who the fuck is going to watch it?

Don't even get me started on the estimated $200 million being spent on a movie from the director of Hancock about big boats in the water taking the title of a board game with little plastic pieces and a plastic frame, that ended with the exclamation of "Battleship sunk!" You know, because people love battleships, and explosions, blood, war, and special effects. I have a feeling the words "piles of cash sunk" will be coming around during the summer of 2012.

One thing I'm sure of, both of these movies will be one of 100 movies to be released in 3D in the next year. Every movie will only be in 3D next year. I hate 3D movies. Another reason to stop going to theaters besides the fact that the prices keep going up as the quality goes down the poop shoot. Here comes the summer Hollywood, surprise me. Make me a believer again!

Screw "Pirates of the Carribean" 8 or Whatever, The Fear & Loathing Prequel "The Rum Diary" is the Johnny Depp Movie of 2011 Worth Ponying Up For

The blockbuster movie season is upon us after the ridiculously huge opening weekend for Fast Five and the release of Thor into a billion screens this weekend. In a few weeks, people will flock to see the latest installment of Pirates of the Caribbean, a franchise that should have died after two films. What's the subtitle this time? On Stranger Tides. Someone gets paid to come up with these titles.

It is pure insanity that people continue to go see these movies. It's shit and it's not even that swashbuckling. Who woulda thunk a film based on a ride at Disneyland would require at least six parts? I know Johnny has to pay for that private island he owns but let Jack Sparrow die already. On the other hand, if he's going to make movies like The Tourist maybe he should just keep making those Pirates.

But On October 28, Johnny Depp might have a chance to redeem himself for the last few years. Reuniting with a now-deceased-collaborator in gonzo journalist extraordinaire Hunter S. Thompson in a film adaptation of The Rum Diary, Depp won't be reprising his role as Hunter himself, yet will undoubtedly he will invoke his spirit for the portrayal. NME recently published an interview piece with Depp about the project in which he reveled that he promised Hunter he's make the film.



Director Terry Gilliam, visionary master of the surreal from the previous Thompson based Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, will not be at the helm either. Bruce Robinson will be taking the chair, whose most famous credits are 20+ years ago in How To Get Ahead in Advertising and Withnial & I.

The premise of The Rum Diary (from Wikipedia)

Paul Kemp (Johnny Depp) is an itinerant journalist who tires of New York and America under the Eisenhower administration and travels to Puerto Rico to write for The San Juan Star. Kemp begins the habit of drinking rum and becomes obsessed with the woman Chenault (Amber Heard).

Sounds about right. Throw in a role for Aaron Echhart and I know where I'll be on October 28. It's the same place that I won't be whenever that stupid Pirates waste of time drops and gobbles up a Titanic-sized load of cash. Even with Penelope Cruz and Ian McShane join the adventure, I'll pass. Well, I'll probably cave since I see every film but I WON'T LIKE IT. Damn you, Swearengen.


Related Links

The Rum Diary - IMDB
Aaron Eckhart Interview on The Rum Diary - Movieweb
The Rum Diary (novel) - Wikipedia

Sorry Mac Lovers, You Are Susceptible to Viruses!!

I can't be the only one to be excited to hear the news. Macs get viruses!!

The ultimate argument of Apple hoity-toity kings for their overpriced closed-end devices besides the super-sleek design and all that good stuff is that PCs get viruses.

Windows users have all had a run in with the popular trend of the Anti-Virus viruses. They suck. You got one, or your parents, or your grandparents or all of them. Well now Macs have their own special "Fake, Malicious Antivirus Program." The virus/program is called MAC Defender. (Very creative virus guys, can't we get a pun here?)

So eat it Mac chauvinists. You're just as susecptible as the rest of us lowly, shallow pocketed Windows users. Welcome to the world of pain in the ass viruses!

(via Geekosystem)

Why Kids Hug Mike Tyson (and Frank Rich probably left the New York Times)?

I read a lot. I subscribe to way too many magazines and I know it (despite my pleas that I have been cutting down like a smoker delaying the inevitable). Still, my justification is that I truly try to read them all in a timely manner. Despite the growing pile on a daily basis, certain new deliveries always skip to the top (besides the obligatory action of skipping weeklies ahead of monthlies so they don't get outdated in my mind). The weekly that always jumps to the head of the pile is New York Magazine.

A hole developed inside of my reading soul for approximately 6 months as I allowed my subscription lapse due to the (not really) prohibitive cost that New York was asking for in their renewal notice. The innate Jewry in me insisted, "Wait it out, they will come down to your price." Magazine pricing disease is a dreary part of the internet era of price comparison. You know you've seen it cheaper before so you refuse to pay the price they are asking if it's not as cheap as the subscription that got you hooked in the first place. In this case that previous price was free as part of some offer somewhere that I can't recall. Free magazines make me think of drug dealers who give you a taste to get hooked and then ratchet up that price tag when you can't live without it. I guess that is the basis of any business where you are able to provide samples, legitimately run or not.

There's a point here somewhere. Flipping through the latest issue of New York Magazine, it is obvious to me why a popular New York Times columnist would leave. To join New York Magazine is to join something less time consuming and more vibrant. The Atlantic Wire has a whole list of the reshuffling at the "Paper of Record," but it's not a joke that newspaper, even those held in high esteem, are quickly becoming unnecessary, especially to those whom advertisers covet the most, the young and wealthy. I'm sure really wealthy people have time to sit down every day and peruse a whole newspaper full of stuff they don't want to read to get to things they do want to read. New York Magazine is almost always full of a perfect blend of well thought out pieces side-by-side with snarky fluff that informs while making you chuckle. Does the New York Times make you chuckle? To be honest, I don't know but I doubt it because I am young(ish) and don't have a subscription and I never actually go to a newsstand to "pick it up."

Let's take a small sampling from this week's issue as an example starting with what could be the most goldmine-ridden one page profile in history. I have read plenty of stuff on Mike Tyson. The man was Charlie Sheen way before Charlie Sheen was the Charlie Sheen that now everyone can't stop talking about. (Very quick aside: Who watches Two and a Half Men? What is the country coming to when this is the number one comedy on TV by ratings?) Tyson did the drugs, the hookers, the blowing of money years ago as well the crazy face tattooing, the exotic pet collecting and the pummeling of men into oblivion. He bit a off a chunk of Holyfield's ear. He has that ridiculous voice and rarely has a censor blocking him from saying things he should never say. If you've got about nine minutes, here's a fantastic recap of his potent quotables:

Note to self, Tyson loves the word fornication. Focus! "81 Minutes With Mike Tyson" was the subject of this issue's recurring short time frame interview piece. If you didn't know, Tyson is so interesting that he was able to sell the ambigously titled "Taking on Tyson" called to Animal Planet about his true passion, pigeon racing. I'm sure the show wasn't picked up because this man is walking, talking, idiosyncratic train wreck full of sound-bytes. Look no further than this piece by Geoffrey Gray which, in a matter of 800 words, will force you to set your DVR.

On his family friendly show, Tyson opines, :“Isn’t it crazy?...I go from being this horrible guy, this rapist, this psycho-man walking the streets … and now when I see these young kids on the street, they give me hugs … Ain’t that some shit?”

Don't forget to ask Tyson which animal he thinks he would be. The answer is not pigeon.

“I’d like to be a lion, but I think I’m a wolverine ...They’re like big giant rats. They’re about 50 pounds and fearless. They fight to the death. They don’t move fast. They walk slow because they’re not afraid of nothing. That’s how I think. And they can be a little reckless... I’d like to be a lion and have lion status: to make other people do my work and get the credit for it.”

And Mike the sage, aged philosopher can't neglect to espouse some contemplations on life: "You realize when you get older that life is not about acquiring shit, it’s about losing shit,” he says. “You lose your hair, your teeth, your loved ones.”


Illustration by Andy Friedman (from NY Mag)

Turn the page and you have a sports column by Will Leitch entitled "Cashman's Burden" that will never grace the pages of the Grey Lady. The topic, Brian Cashman - GM of the Yankees, would be covered but the style is left for alternative opinion sources. Anyone who knows me knows I hate the Yankees and would most likely skip this piece if it appeared in any other location. After a standard opening section, Leitch turns up the humor. "Unless Cashman suddenly has a psychotic break and starts dropping truth bombs about the past 25 years of his life, we’ll never know what sort of hoops he had to leap through to survive two and a half decades in the Yankees organization."

Writing about the difference between the stark supporting cast difference between Cashman and Boston GM Theo Epstein, "Epstein can walk down the hall and talk to Bill James; Cashman is stuck running into Hank Steinbrenner on his smoke breaks." Cashman gets to talk to a rich money counter and son of a belligerent a-hole of an owner while Epstein bounces ideas off of Bill James, a statistician who basically created modern theories of how to build a baseball team through the widely preached world of sabremetrics.

Then Leitch comes up with my new favorite line to describe the mentality of baseball's Evil Empire. "Overpaying for expensive older free agents is their birthright." I don't think I could say it better myself.

Turn the page again and you are treated to a long feature going into the interesting, yet well covered history of Broadway's newest playwrights/ South Park Creators Trey Parker & Matt Stone. The hits just keep on coming. Sure there is a skip-worthy piece here and there. I am no fashionista and don't care about dresses or the newest restaurants (since I am poor and a vegetarian which are not usually the target for a new restaurant looking to succeed.)" No rag is perfect except maybe the The Believer (if they banished that recurring "Real Life Top Ten" column that I can't stand.)


The Believer's 2011 Film Issue (cover art as always by Charles Burns)

Oh New York, how I've missed you and am so happy to caress you in my hands again. Looking forward to reading your new columnist, I hear he's good.